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Frequently Asked Questions

I'm planning a bachelorette party for my best friend's wedding.  Since I'm technically the host, am I expected to pick up the tab for everyone?

 

The bachelorette party is one event where the hosts aren't expected to foot the bill for everyone. 

 

Typically, everyone chips in to cover the cost of the bride's dinner and drinks, since she's the one being honored. 

 

Just be sure that everyone is on the same page with all party details before the night begins.

 

Can we send wedding invitations to our guests in "tiers" starting with those we really want there, and then sending out more wedding invitations as regrets come back?

 

A standby wedding guest list is a risky proposition, since it creates the potential for hurt feelings or for wedding guests to feel slighted.  I'm hesitant to encourage you to go down this road, but I do understand the realities of controlling your wedding guest list and budget. 

 

If at all possible, invite the entire wedding guest list at the same time (Typically 30 percent of invited wedding guests will send regrets.) If you do choose to send wedding invitations to a standby gues list, be very discreet.  Wedding guests must not have even the slightest idea that they are not your first choice. 

 

Your first wave of wedding invitations should be mailed at least two months before the wedding.  Allow a minimum of four weeks for the first set of wedding guests to reply before sending wedding invitations to your standby wedding guest list; then be sure the second group of wedding invitees also have at least four weeks' advance notice of the wedding so that they have time to respond and make travel arrangements. 

 

Just remember, your final head count typically is due two (2) weeks prior to the wedding.

 

I know that not everyone at my wedding reception will dance, but how can I encourage wedding guests to at least get up from their tables after dinner and mingle?

 

If wedding guests want to linger over dinner, coffee, and dessert at their tables, that really is okay.

 

But I do love the idea of putting some chairs, benches or ottomans around the edge of the dance floor, so that wedding guests can mingle and feel a little more included in the dancing, even if they aren't kicking up their heels themselves. 

 

Just be sure to leave a little room between those wedding guests mingling and those wedding guests dancing on the dance floor!

 

I'm not a fan of the posed pictures most wedding photographers produce, but I'd still like a professional photographer to be in charge. What are my options?

 

A prior client of ours who wanted more candid - but professional - pictures of her wedding and wedding reception chose to use a journalistic photographer and the results were such a success that two other friends of hers have used him since. 

 

Be sure to find a photographer with wedding experience and check out their portfolio of pictures and references first.

 

I haven't had time to find a gift for my friends prior to their wedding. But I have up to a year after their wedding to send a wedding gift - right?

 

No, not really.  The idea that you have a year in which to send a wedding gift is a myth. 

 

Ideally, you should either send your wedding gift before the wedding or bring it to the wedding reception. 

 

If you haven't given a wedding gift by the time the wedding is held, send one as soon as you can.  And while I'm not endorsing the one-year wedding gift rule, the bottom line is:  Better late than never. 

 

I've heard from a lot of couples who are really hurt that one of their wedding guests didn't send a present.  This isn't about greed for gifts; the fact is, lack of a gift translates into a feeling that the wedding guest must not care enough to bother. 

 

In the end, it's always best to send a wedding gift - no matter how late it is - along with a note apologizing for the delay.

 

What do I do about including partners regarding the wedding guest list?

 

Partners of invited wedding guests must be included in the wedding guest list and on the wedding invitation.  This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together. 

 

Allowing single wedding guests who aren't attached to a significant other to bring a date to the wedding is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required. 

 

A single wedding invitation addressed to both members of a married couple, or a couple who live together, is sent to their shared address. 

A wedding invitation sent to an engaged or long-standing couple who don't live together is sent separately, to each address. 

A wedding envelope addressed to a single friend that include "and Guest" indicate that he or she may being an escort or friend to the wedding.

 

What do I do about wedding guests who ask to bring guests?

 

It is impolite of a wedding guest to ask if he or she can bring a date - but it is not impolite of you to refuse. 

 

Say, "I'm sorry, but we have very limited seating at the wedding reception and we just can't accommodate any additional wedding guests."

 

However, if you discover that they are engaged or living together, do include your friend's partner in the wedding guest list and invite your friend's partner, either verbally or by wedding invitation.

 

What do I do about invitations to out of town wedding guests who can't possibly attend?

 

Many people prefer not to send a wedding invitation to those friends and acquaintances who live out of town - thinking they cannot possibly attend the wedding 

 

In most cases, these friends should receive a wedding announcement (which carries no wedding gift obligation) instead of a wedding invitation.

 

However, some good friends who live far away might actually be hurt if you don't send them a wedding invitation, even if your intent was to spare them from feeling obligated to send a wedding gift. 

 

In general, always invite truly good friends to your wedding - even if they live out of town.