Frequently Asked Questions
I'm planning a
bachelorette party for my best friend's wedding. Since I'm technically
the host, am I expected to pick up the tab for everyone?
The bachelorette party is one event where the hosts aren't
expected to foot the bill for everyone.
Typically, everyone chips in to cover the cost of the bride's
dinner and drinks, since she's the one being honored.
Just be sure that everyone is on the same page with all party
details before the night
begins.
Can we send wedding invitations to our guests in "tiers" starting with those we
really want there, and then sending out more
wedding invitations as
regrets come back?
A standby wedding guest list is a risky proposition, since it creates the
potential for hurt feelings or for wedding guests to feel slighted. I'm
hesitant to encourage you to go down this road, but I do understand
the realities of controlling your wedding guest list and budget.
If at all possible, invite the entire wedding guest list at the same time
(Typically 30 percent of invited wedding guests will send regrets.) If you
do choose to send wedding invitations to a standby gues list, be very discreet.
Wedding guests must not have even the slightest idea that they are not your
first choice.
Your first wave of wedding invitations should be mailed at least two
months before the wedding. Allow a minimum of four weeks for the
first set of wedding guests to reply before sending wedding invitations to your
standby wedding guest list; then be sure the second group of wedding invitees also have at
least four weeks' advance notice of the wedding so that they have
time to respond and make travel arrangements.
Just remember, your final head count typically is due two
(2) weeks prior to the wedding.
I know that not everyone at my wedding reception will dance, but how can
I encourage wedding guests to at least get up from their tables after dinner
and mingle?
If wedding guests want to linger over dinner, coffee, and dessert at their tables,
that really is okay.
But I do love the idea of putting some chairs, benches or
ottomans around the edge of the dance floor, so that wedding guests can
mingle and feel
a little more included in the dancing, even if they aren't kicking
up their heels themselves.
Just be sure to leave a little room between those wedding guests mingling and
those wedding guests dancing on the dance
floor!
I'm not a fan of the posed pictures most wedding photographers
produce, but I'd still like a professional photographer to be in charge. What
are my options?
A prior client of ours who wanted more candid - but professional
- pictures of her wedding and wedding reception chose to use a journalistic
photographer and the results were such a success that two other
friends of hers have used him since.
Be sure to find a photographer with wedding experience and check out their
portfolio of pictures and references first.
I haven't had time to find a gift for my friends prior to
their wedding. But I have up to a year after their wedding to send
a wedding gift - right?
No, not really. The idea that you have a year in which to send a
wedding gift is a myth.
Ideally, you should either send your wedding gift before the wedding or
bring it to the wedding reception.
If you haven't given a wedding gift by the time the wedding is held, send
one as soon as you can. And while I'm not endorsing the one-year
wedding gift rule, the bottom line is: Better late than never.
I've heard from a lot of couples who are really hurt that
one of their wedding guests didn't send a present. This isn't about greed
for gifts; the fact is, lack of a gift translates into a feeling
that the wedding guest must not care enough to bother.
In the end, it's always best to send a wedding gift - no matter how late
it is - along with a note apologizing for the delay.
What do I do about including partners regarding the wedding guest list?
Partners of invited wedding guests must be included in the
wedding guest list
and on the wedding
invitation. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or
living together.
Allowing single wedding guests who aren't attached to a significant other
to bring a date to the wedding is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not
required.
A single wedding invitation addressed to both members of a married
couple, or a couple who live together, is sent to their shared
address.
A wedding invitation sent to an engaged or long-standing couple who
don't live together is sent separately, to each address.
A wedding envelope
addressed to a single friend that include "and Guest" indicate that
he or she may being an escort or friend to the wedding.
What do I do about wedding guests who ask to bring guests?
It is impolite of a wedding guest to ask if he or she can bring a date -
but it is not impolite of you to refuse.
Say, "I'm sorry, but we have very limited seating at the
wedding reception and we just can't accommodate any additional
wedding guests."
However, if you discover that they are engaged or living
together, do include your friend's partner in the wedding guest list and invite your friend's partner, either verbally or by
wedding invitation.
What do I do about invitations to out of town wedding guests who can't
possibly attend?
Many people prefer not to send a wedding invitation to those friends
and acquaintances who live out of town - thinking they cannot possibly attend the
wedding
In most cases, these friends should receive a wedding
announcement (which carries no wedding gift obligation) instead of a
wedding
invitation.
However, some good friends who live far away might actually be
hurt if you don't send them a wedding invitation, even if your intent was to spare them
from feeling obligated to send a wedding gift.
In general, always invite truly good friends to your wedding - even if they live
out of town.